Culley's Pictures...

My friend, Candace, an up and coming photographer, came to my parent's farm over Thanksgiving and took some pictures of Culley. I learned a few things about Culley that day. She is definitely not a performer and we had a difficult time getting her to smile. But I think Candace caught her personality perfectly. We had a ton of fun and I think the pics turned out great! I've put some of my favorites below. Thanks Candace!

Culley's First Snow

A couple of weeks ago we put up our tree. I was ready for Culley to come down in the morning interested and curious about the lights and the "big green thing." I was ready for battle. Now...two weeks later she hasn't even given it a second look. So when we got our first snow, I thought it would be a good time to try to get some pictures. Again...she didn't even seem interested in the tree.



She never ceases to amaze me. In the weeks since football season ended she has begun to crawl like a big girl (no more inch worm), she has pulled herself up, she has climbed the stairs, fallen from the first step, she has her first tooth, and much, much more. So much happens in the first year of life. I am so incredibly blessed to be able to observe and watch her grow. I have been able to see each of her "firsts" and I pray that I'll be able to experience many more with her!

Merry Christmas to everyone...and blessings each day!

Me, Myself, and I

It's been a while since I've even been to my own blog. It seems that this whole motherhood thing takes a bit more time than I had anticipated. In fact, it seems this whole motherhood thing is a lot more of everything than I anticipated. The joys are so much more beautiful than I thought and every time I look at my little girl I am thankful for the chance to be her mother. At the same time...every time I look at my little girl I am reminded of so much of my spiritual depravity and pray that she is everything I am not. God has been taking many blinders off of my eyes lately...and in just six short months He has revealed the ugliness of my heart. It's beautiful, really...because as I become uglier His grace and mercy become more brilliant in my life.

One sin that God is revealing in my life is how wrapped up in myself I am. Unfortunately, all other sins tend to sprout up from this one root. I worry because I am wrapped up in myself. I stress because I am wrapped up in myself. I feel defeated because I am wrapped up in myself. I slander, I gossip, I speak unkindly because I am wrapped up in myself. I am tired and lazy because I am wrapped up in myself. I complain and I get angry because I am wrapped up in myself. I am discontent and envious because I am wrapped up in myself. Anytime I feel I deserve or need something I am wrapped up in myself. Anytime that I feel I just can't go on I am wrapped up in myself.

This culture and its lies sneak in and say that I deserve a night off. I deserve rest. I deserve to let up. I deserve to find fulfillment for myself. On the surface it appears innocent. But it is not innocent. It is a lie. If Christ is my example then I do no deserve anything other than to serve others...my husband, my daughter, my church, my neighbors. Christ washed Judas' feet even though he knew Judas would betray him. I'm so thankful that on the way to the cross Jesus did not stop and say, "Wait. I'm feeling a bit tired and worn out. I think I need to rest and recover from these hard days. Maybe we can finish this some other time."

Maybe my thinking is all messed up. Maybe I need to renew my mind with scripture and the Truth of God's word. Maybe people would see more of Christ in me if I let go of the idea that I deserve something...but rather I held to the example of Christ. I am far from this person and motherhood has shown me just how far I need to go...but God's grace is beautiful today!

Oh God...un-warp my mind and unwrap me of myself so that only Christ is seen for His glory and not mine. Would I serve like there is no tomorrow.

I am...

Have you ever gone through the scriptures and just simply written down all of the qualities and characteristics that God says we are in Christ? In my quiet time study I was asked to look up a huge sampling of passages and write down who I am in Christ...and this is only a portion of what I found:

I have been crucified.
I am blessed, chosen, redeemed.
I have been marked and sealed.
I have been raised to life.
I am God's workmanship and I have been brought near to God.
I will be complete.
I am a citizen of heaven.
I can do all things.
I have been rescued and given the fullness of Christ.
I am hidden in Christ and will appear with him.
I am loved, chosen, rescued, strengthened, and protected.
I am a daughter...a member of God's family.
I belong to Christ.
I am free.
I am a slave.
I have been raised to life.
I am a conqueror.
I am loved and bought, renewed and strengthened.
I am purified.

Meditate on those for today and let it blow your mind. Be in awe of God today!

Happiness

I received one of those inspiring emails this morning. You know the ones that make you feel blessed and ready to jump into anything God asks you to do. The kind that end with an inspiring prayer that seems to speak to your heart at the very moment. The kind of email that somhow diminishes the encouragement and blessing that it brings by saying..."now, in 9 seconds something happy will happen to you IF you forward this on to 9 friends." But today as I read that email and it promised me that in 9 seconds I'd experience something happy...I thought to myself, you're right...I'm on my way to wake up my baby girl who will smile and laugh and simply bring happiness to my heart as we start our day together. So...email or not. Nine seconds or nine hours. I have been blessed beyond what I thought possible.
Blessings today...

Amberts and Chamberts Fall Pics

My mom bought new picture frames to keep all of her 14 grandchildren in one place. Roxie had taken some great outdoor pictures of her five kids. Mom wanted individuals of the rest of them and she wanted them to be similar to Roxie's. So, one Saturday morning we headed out to Andy's house (he works hard at his awesome flowers) to keep the matriarch of our family happy. :) I had a ton of fun shooting these and I think a few turned out okay for her to use. There are some in here that I fiddled with some editing programs but, alas, I can't remember what I did. Anyway...if you haven't seen Andy's or Chuck's kids in a while this will show you how grown up they are and how handsome and beautiful they have become. FYI...Lydia was at a vball game so she is missing in these.

Thanks kiddos for helping make grandma's house even more beautiful with your pictures! :)

I can hardly believe that my little girl is four months old. It really can't be so! It's amazing to me how I remember so much of the struggles and the adjustments of the first couple of months and each month has brought struggles of their own but the overall adjustment has been so much easier these past couple of weeks. It seems her schedule has evened out...eating, sleeping, and playing. There are always days of exceptions...but for the most part we've moved into a grove.

Yesterday we tried a bit of cereal for the first time. I have no intention of making this a regular meal time experience but I wanted to try it and see how things went. She actually enjoyed it...at least the experience because the food was all over! But today she would even open her mouth in anticipation for another bite.

Below is just a hodge-podge of pictures collected over the past four months. I love being Culley's mom. Through the easy and hard...the good and bad...the simple and complex...I've loved it and am blessed beyond my wildest expectations!

Thank you for all who have been the encouragers and cheerleaders. New moms...and I'm sure moms in general...need to be spurred on regularly. So...thanks and blessings today!

An Eye for the Eternal

There is a fine line that connects living with eternity in mind…an eye for the eternal…and living faithfully today. So often I get caught up in trying to find out what God wants me to do, where He wants me to go, and to whom He wants me to minister. Often I spend more time contemplating about what’s next rather than living faithfully in the present day that He has made. But how do I live today with eternity in mind? This is something that I’ve been learning and studying as I have been making the transition from teacher to mother and housewife.

When I first started teaching I remember struggling to find the eternal value in teaching Lord of the Flies, essays, grammar, or critical analysis of texts. I found it difficult to ascertain any type of meaning in the hours I spent grading and planning. I prayed about it, I sought council on this, and even at times I resigned myself to never feeling effective for the kingdom. It is interesting as I look back over the nine years, four school districts, and four grade levels that I taught, God was gradually whittling away at what I thought was meaningful and replacing it with a totally new perspective. My years teaching in the north suburbs of Chicago were very fulfilling and challenging…academically and intellectually. It was here that I learned to be the teacher that I became; however, I found myself becoming prideful as my ultimate goal was to be an accomplished and valued teacher. Oddly enough, even in the midst of my fleshly pursuits, I longed to make Jesus known and God provided opportunities to discuss spiritual things in my classroom…and even share the gospel with a colleague. Looking back, I see that I was looking to find the eternal value of my days in the content of what I was teaching rather than being faithful to the day He made and the opportunities He provided.

Throughout the years I continued to struggle with these longings and desires. After four and a half years in Chicago I eventually felt that I had accomplished many things and the curriculum was no longer a challenge for me. It was at this time that I moved to Turkey and began a whole new experience where God chiseled more of my fleshly perspective away. It was there that God helped me to understand that building relationships was important and through trusting Him opportunities would arise to share about the hope that was in me. In Turkey my job had the balance of developing relationships with students and colleagues and the challenge of developing and creating a curriculum for the department. There I was able to share the gospel with an American colleague and discuss many allusions to the Bible with my classes. I struggled to find meaning early in those two years, but by the end I was sure that God had sent me there for a reason. However, I was always looking to the next phase of my journey. I was never fully there and never fully resigned to living each day faithfully.

My return to the states to teach stripped me of much pride and I have come to the conclusion that we often cannot conceive or know why God has us in a particular place. Teaching in Kansas was difficult for me. Academic success and excellence in the classroom was overshadowed by behavioral issues and parental influence. In Kansas City parents had a hard time seeing their children fail and all but demanded that the path to graduation be easy. In Hutchinson parental involvement was minimal, but behavioral problems were customary and the lack of administrative support created an environment that bred apathetic and undisciplined students. In response to both of these situations, teachers took the easy way out and simply succumbed to the inevitable of mediocrity and laziness in the classroom. I attempted with all that was in me to keep my standards high, but as God gradually began to strip my academic and intellectual pride from me, I finally began to see the eternal value is not in the curriculum, it’s not in the way my room is decorated, and it’s not even in the success of my students. The eternal value of teaching is remaining faithful to each opportunity that God brings and being ready to give account of the hope that is in me. Eternal value is found in my attitude when things are visibly wrong. It’s found in my work as long as I work as unto the Lord. Eternal value is found when I walk away from or stand against slanderous conversations. It’s found when my first response to a problem is prayer rather than gossip. It’s found in the display of the fruits of the spirit. Eternal value is praying for each student as I spend hours grading their papers. Eternal value is found in being faithful each day that He gives…one day at a time…one opportunity at a time.

So…I have found myself asking the same question during this transition from teacher to mom. Where is the value in diapers, in meals, in cleaning, in laundry, in playtime? In this transition I must continually be reminded that the value will not be found in those chores or activities themselves…rather in the opportunities to pray and to show Christ in my life. What is my attitude? What are my words and thoughts? How often do I pray? Have I hidden God’s word in my heart? I have found that there are so many more moments in my day than I think that can be used for God’s moments. It’s a discipline and an active dying to my agenda. In changing Culley’s diapers do I speak of Christ or complain? In making meals do I meditate on Christ or worry about other things? In doing laundry do I take those moments to pray or mindlessly complete a mundane task? I’ve been challenged in a whole new way these past three months and I know that there are many more challenges coming. Yes…life is different and some days are crazy and full of emotions I never knew I had. But there are still moments in each day that God wants us to claim and use for His glory. There are still moments in each day that can glorify God simply by being faithful to Him. I long to desire Him above all else. I long to have an eye for the eternal. I long to be found faithful today. My prayer is that God would give me an eye for the eternal in the mundane moments and find me faithful to the day that He has made and rejoicing in it.

Twelve Weeks!

I have been slack in writing this summer. Five days in Indiana, the anticipation of Brian going to China, spending a week at the farm, and then five days driving through the mountains have all limited my time. So, with that in mind I'm sharing as many pictures as I can.

When Culley was three weeks old a friend from church came to our house for her newborn photo shoot. You can go to here website to see Culley's pics: http://www.tressaweberphoto.com/index2.php?v=v1 Once there you can click on Culley Jo's profile and you'll see her newborns pictures.

Below is just a hodgepodge of pictures from the past three months. It's been a hectic summer and...if you can believe it...I'm looking forward to fall and the routine that it will bring. Although the first part of the season is always tough when Brian and I go from spending 90% of our time together to spending 10% of our time together...but I know it will only be for a time and then things will be back to "normal." I hope all of you have had a wonderful summer. I've been writing some...just not blogging my thoughts so hopefully I can get some of that posted (for Judy :).

The first slideshow is of Culley. We went to a family reunion in Montana and stopped in Denver at the zoo. No...it wasn't for Culley...it was for me. I love zoos! I suppose this could be considered our first family outing. She did great as long as one of us held her...she has begun to hate her carseat!!! And after almost 50 hours in the car over 6 days I don't blame her!

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The second is of our travels. The first group picture is a pic with all of my mom's cousins. The next picture is of my generation (obviously there wasn't the whole Lambert crew there...and other cousins were absent as well). And finally a picture of Culley's generation (again...just add the Lamberts and that number doubles!). One of my cousins pointed out that the last time she saw me I was a baby and now that we were all together again I had my own baby! It's crazy how time is a vapor. And yet in that flash of time what awesome memories God blesses us with!

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Blessings on the rest of the summer!

Oh...and congrats to Jessica and Curtis on the birth of Joel Charles...and to Amy and Dan Isaacson on the soon-to-be birth of baby Noah! :)

Anniversary

June 16th was our 2nd anniversary. Brian made this video for me for my first Mother's Day...but I believe it is appropriate for our anniversary as well. Since meeting Brian on July 2nd, 2006 my life has changed dramatically. What my plan was for my life drastically changed that day...and in less than three years we have packed in a trip to Mexico, two 1/2 marathons, a wedding, Jamaica, road trips from Wisconsin to Texas and back, three football seasons, China, a mini triathlon, and a baby girl. This video is a snapshot of our lives for the last three years or so...needless to say...even without the post pregnancy hormones I would have cried! I have been blessed beyond my imagination and God has heard my prayers! Enjoy!

Pictures

Here are a few pictures of our first weeks at home. In one picture Culley is wearing a sweater dress that my Grandma Culley gave to me as a baby. It was her first Sunday at church. The other picture in the blue polo outfit she is wearing a pair of shoes that her Grandma Lambert bought for her before she was born. The picture with Brian is with Culley wearing the dress he bought for her the day we found out we were having a girl. The other pictures are Culley with her cousins on the Fish side. We have ordered her "newborn" pics...and by the time we get them it will be time for more to be taken! She's growing so fast and in many ways she is not our petite little newborn anymore! 8 weeks tomorrow! :)

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China

It is that time of year again when the Fish family travels. The only problem is two of the Fish girls won't be able to go. On July 1st Brian leaves for China and will be gone for 13 days. We are so excited that he will be able to take a group from our church to visit the same places and people that we visited last year. There are 13 total going. The group is very diverse...four college students, two moms, one single woman, a young married couple, and a retired couple, and the youth pastor. Of this group, there are only five or six who have traveled outside the United States before.

We would covet your prayers for a couple of things:
1. Mr. Yang: we taught in his schools last year and they will be going back this year. He is a Chinese muslim who is friends with Peter. We have been praying for him since we left.

2. Brian: as he leads a very diverse group of people and as he is away from me and Culley for two weeks.

3. GBC (our church): this is somewhat of a scouting trip for our church. If there is positive interaction, approved vision and like-mindedness with Peter there is a chance that our church would like to develop a partnership/relationship with Peter's vision.

4. Culley and I: we will be staying part of the time at the farm with my parents and the other part of the time here in Sterling.

Thank you for all of your prayers and support. I will keep you updated on the trip AND I will be soon adding more pictures of our little peace-maker (who hasn't been much at peace lately :)

Blessings!

Culley Jo?

Many people have asked where the name Culley came from...they'd never heard it before. That was our plan! :) No...but truly...the name Culley has many siginificant meanings for me. Culley was my mother's maiden name and my grandmother was always Grandma Culley. I have only known one other person whose name was Culley...and he was a boy. BUT...I have always wanted to use the name somehow, so when I suggested the name to Brian as a boy's name he looked at me and said, "I like it...but for a girl's name. It sounds more like a girl's name to me." So...there you have it. We rambled through a few middle names, but when he said Culley Jo we knew it was the name for our baby girl.

Now...as we repeat the name and often have to spell it for others, we know that she'll probably get called all kinds of variations of the name, but our prayer is that the meaning of the name will mean more to her than the struggle for others to pronounce it. My mom has left a legacy in my life, and our prayer is that our little Culley will live to leave a legacy much like her grandmother.

Oh...and the meaning of Culley is "dove". Our little peace-maker will prayerfully live up to her name! :)

Culley Jo Fish

She's here!!! Culley Jo was born on Friday, May 1, 2009. Brian calls her his little "Mayflower". I have never in my life experienced a miracle of this kind. We came home on the 2nd and have been enjoying life these past few days. I believe that mothers are special people...as my mom has been here this week to help out during fussy evenings and helping me learn the ropes of motherhood. I couldn't have been this calm without her!

I've posted a few pictures of her here...there are more on facebook and a video of her very first bath. Hope you enjoy...now I hope we can focus more on Culley rather than on my growing tummy! :)

Almost Here!

Monday was my last appointment. When we went in, the doctor was not content with how much the little girl has been moving. She was extremely lethargic and didn't move most of the day. Therefore, her heartbeat was slow and based upon my measurements the doctor thought that maybe she was actually losing weight. So...she ordered another ultrasound...hooked me up to the monitors again. After about an hour the doctor came in and said we had two options. Based on the ultrasound and everything else, she felt very reassured and confident that I could go home with no problems...I'd just need to return Thursday for more testing/monitoring. OR we could go straight to the hospital to be induced. Brian and I decided to give the baby a few more days to come on her own. But, alas, nothing. So...tomorrow we'll make the decision not IF to induce, but when.

I know there are many out there with their own opinions on the idea. Everyone at school has been very vocal about their opinions. ALL of them very different. However, as my mom said...I have to trust my doctor...and after reading up on inductions and various other things I feel much more content. Nothing is out of God's control...whether we induce or go into natural labor...God is still the controller of all things. So...she'll be here soon! If not tomorrow...soon! :)

Still Here!

Yes...I am still here and still working and still walking (barely). Each day brings us closer to the due date...and while I am very vocally hoping that we are a few days early I have had to daily settle my excitement and rely on God's perfect timing. Brian's birthday was yesterday and he was really, really hoping for a little girl as his birthday present. Unfortunately, I couldn't control that, so we are now hoping for Shakespeare's birthday...tomorrow. We aren't short of birthdays to hit here...Emma's is the 28th and Anna's the 30th. So we have a few marks we could hit between now and the 4th.

I went to the doctor on Monday. She said there was little change and if I didn't go into labor this week, we'd talk about different options at my next appointment. So...I'm praying that this week I'd go into labor naturally and we won't have to make any decisions.

Below is the most recent picture of the baby's room (and her closet...thanks for the clothes Betsy, Roxie, Kim, and Michelle!). Unfortunately, we can't put anything on the walls yet. On one wall will be pictures of children from around with world that Brian and I have been blessed to love on...with scripture as the center. I'm still in the process of getting those framed. The other wall will have her name on it...but for obvious reasons we can't put that up. :) So...here is the bare necessities for now. The cradle look beautiful and if you can't see, the walls are a pale pink with white trim. Grandma Patsy made the quilt (I need to get a better picture of that posted...it's beautiful!). The only other major thing missing is the rocking chair which my mom and dad will bring when they come. It's the very chair that my mom rocked all of her five babies in. It was tough to get it from her, but I promised to give it back some day. Some day. :) So...that's all for now...hopefully the next time will have a picture of the baby!

Pictures

Oh my...I am so ashamed at my lack of blogging the past couple of months. I truly thought that once basketball was over I would have time...my own time. However, from the beginning of March we have had Spring Break (we spent in Indiana), a women's conference at which I was asked to speak, then we moved the last week in March. Ummm...did anyone know that blizzards are still possibilities in March and God chose to send one our way the very day that we decided to move? Oh...and the very day that my friend Amy and her husband Dan came to visit.



Friday about noon it started snowing and didn't stop until Saturday at noon. BUT, the warm weather Saturday afternoon helped melt the snow and actually made a great moving day. I couldn't have done it without the help from my family. When I got home on Friday, Kim and my mom had packed my entire kitchen and were unpacking it in my new home. It was such a blessing to have that done. THANKS!



On another note: Today marks my 37th week. So, today I am considered full-term and we are anticipating a baby girl in the next three weeks. So...if you don't hear from me, and you are friends with Brian on facebook...keep tabs that way until I can get back to blogging. Until then, here's my latest picture taken yesterday at our Easter dinner. :)

The Cradle

Okay...here's the belated post:

The first one is from Christmas. I am putting it here first so that you can see the comparison.



All the others are from...yesterday. I am officially 30 weeks and counting! You will notice beside me is the cradle for Peanut. Her daddy sure is talented!!! It should be finished by the time we move and get settled before she comes! :) Woooohoooo!!!

Baby _ _ _ _ _

It has been drawn to my attention (and rightfully so) that you are all still wanting pictures. So...I am posting our 24 week ultra-sound pictures so you can get a good profile of our baby girl. I am currently ending my 26th week and will officially be in my third trimester next week. In the past three weeks...since the ultra-sound...I have grown much, much bigger, a bit more uncomfortable, and my desire to spend all of my time in my favorite sweatpants is almost more than I can overcome! You are all wishing I was posting a picture of me! Honestly it's tough to get the camera out and say, "honey, take a picture of me." It's not the first thought on my mind...but I'll try to do better this trimester! Here she is:



Somehow, the timing of everything has been perfect. My first trimester ended exactly as basketball began. Basketball is ending exactly as my third trimester begins. So, you see, the energy level that everyone said I would have during my second tri was sapped and drained by many situations that are common the the world of girls basketball. Needless to say, there were many times that I asked God, "are you sure about this girl thing? Are you sure I can handle raising a little girl? What will I do if she whines or cries when she gets a paper cut? Will I have compassion and sympathy when she sprains her ankle? God...are you sure????"

Trust me...growing up with four brothers and zero sisters was good for me. Really good for me...but this season of basketball has made me realize I don't understand the world of wimpy, girly girls. And therefore, I have been drawn to my knees as I seek wisdom and advice on how to raise this little girl growing inside me. Coincidence? I think not...and I have to trust in the truth that there are no accidents when it comes to the sovereignty of God. :)

We're having a.....

So, the exciting news is that we had our ultrasound on Monday. Brian met me at the doctor's office and we got to sit and watch our little baby on a flat screen television. The technician showed us the kidneys, the stomach, the nose, the mouth, the ears, the eyes, the hands and feet of our baby. She took measurements once, twice, and three times! For about 20 minutes Brian and I sat there watching our little peanut try to hide its face with a hand and a foot. Nevertheless, we were able to see the profile...and I thought it was the most beautiful sight I've ever seen. It is a miracle of miracles that we are able to tangibly experience! Oh...and we saw one more thing! IT'S A GIRL!

What a blessing to now be able to pray for this little one by name. God already new her name, but now we can intercede by name for her as we pray that He forms her and knits her together to love and honor Him.

Sorry...for those of you who would also like to pray for her by name, you'll have to wait until her sweet little face reaches this world. For now you may just call her peanut. God will know who you are talking about!