Me, Myself, and I

It's been a while since I've even been to my own blog. It seems that this whole motherhood thing takes a bit more time than I had anticipated. In fact, it seems this whole motherhood thing is a lot more of everything than I anticipated. The joys are so much more beautiful than I thought and every time I look at my little girl I am thankful for the chance to be her mother. At the same time...every time I look at my little girl I am reminded of so much of my spiritual depravity and pray that she is everything I am not. God has been taking many blinders off of my eyes lately...and in just six short months He has revealed the ugliness of my heart. It's beautiful, really...because as I become uglier His grace and mercy become more brilliant in my life.

One sin that God is revealing in my life is how wrapped up in myself I am. Unfortunately, all other sins tend to sprout up from this one root. I worry because I am wrapped up in myself. I stress because I am wrapped up in myself. I feel defeated because I am wrapped up in myself. I slander, I gossip, I speak unkindly because I am wrapped up in myself. I am tired and lazy because I am wrapped up in myself. I complain and I get angry because I am wrapped up in myself. I am discontent and envious because I am wrapped up in myself. Anytime I feel I deserve or need something I am wrapped up in myself. Anytime that I feel I just can't go on I am wrapped up in myself.

This culture and its lies sneak in and say that I deserve a night off. I deserve rest. I deserve to let up. I deserve to find fulfillment for myself. On the surface it appears innocent. But it is not innocent. It is a lie. If Christ is my example then I do no deserve anything other than to serve others...my husband, my daughter, my church, my neighbors. Christ washed Judas' feet even though he knew Judas would betray him. I'm so thankful that on the way to the cross Jesus did not stop and say, "Wait. I'm feeling a bit tired and worn out. I think I need to rest and recover from these hard days. Maybe we can finish this some other time."

Maybe my thinking is all messed up. Maybe I need to renew my mind with scripture and the Truth of God's word. Maybe people would see more of Christ in me if I let go of the idea that I deserve something...but rather I held to the example of Christ. I am far from this person and motherhood has shown me just how far I need to go...but God's grace is beautiful today!

Oh God...un-warp my mind and unwrap me of myself so that only Christ is seen for His glory and not mine. Would I serve like there is no tomorrow.