Happy Thanksgiving!

Whew! Do we have a gigantic list to be thankful for this year! Seriously...have you ever noticed when going through a trial or some tough circumstance in your life and God's hand is so vividly evident that paraise and thanksgiving come so naturally? I've found that today...as my reasons for thanksgiving are crystal clear to those reading this blog...that one thankful thought led to another, and another, and another. It seems to me that once our hearts are in the mode of thankfulness, the ball just keeps rolling. I guess my challenge is clear...to keep on going and not let the gravity of life slow my thankful heart!

Today Levi took all eight of his feedings by bottle. This means he will soon get his feeding tube out and we will soon be talking about going home. I don't know if this means 48 hours...four days...or a week. Hopefully we will know more after talking to the doctor tomorrow. Culley is even ready to bring "Lebi" home. When we left the hospital today she yelled "Lebi!" all the way home because she just couldn't stand the thought of leaving him there.

So...even though we don't know how close the light is at the end...there is a light. :) Thank you so much for your prayers...I'll keep you updated!

We're Making Progress!

Brian went back to work Monday morning. Culley went to Grandma Lambert's for a few days. So it has been Levi and me hanging out all day.

Yesterday he did a tremendous job taking half or more of his bottle. So...you can imagine my absolute astonishment this morning when I walked in and he had taken two FULL bottles during the early hours of the day. And by 8:00 p.m when I left tonight he had taken four full bottles today...half of his feedings. He is doing so well...and he just keeps plugging away...working hard at coming home. He still gets so tuckered out that we had to feed him twice today with the feeding tube just to let him rest from all the energy he expends during his bottle feedings.

I feel so proud to be his mommy!

Broken Heart

My heart was broken. In the past couple of weeks, through this entire journey with Levi and our family my heart has never felt broken...hurt and somewhat disappointed at times, but never broken...until the other day.

After two weeks at Wesley we have established somewhat of a routine in which Brian and I take turns going back to the hospital in the evening to put Levi to bed while the other stays at the apartment to put Culley down. This particular night was my night. I remember being significantly more tired this night than other nights so my mother-in-law went with me. We were on our way down the elevator when a young girl walked in. I was so focused on how tired and drained I felt...feeling sorry for myself as I had to leave my baby boy yet once again...wondering when we would all be back in our nice, warm, cozy home. I heard this young girl say, "Levi, huh?" Realizing I still had my ID on with Levi's name pasted on the front, I glanced at her and said, "yep." She continued to tell me that she knew a Levi and thought it was an uncommon name. Small talk for which I just couldn't find the energy.

When the elevator hit the ground floor she began walking out with us and once again she started chatting away. When she said she was a former NICU mom I took a longer look at her. She was about 5 feet tall with dyed, black, short hair...capri's and a sweatshirt, which were both overly baggy on her. But the thing struck me most was the kindness in her face. She just seemed like a kind girl. I began to take more notice of her chatter and finally began to ask her questions. And this is when my heart began to break: Her daughter was born on June 13 at 1 lb. She was still in the hospital but medically ready to go home. When I asked the young girl what the hold up was she explained that she was a foster child, and her daughter would also be a foster child and they were simply waiting for a new placement. My heart shattered. I'm sure my eyes were growing round and large as she smiled and said, "well...best of luck with everything." And she walked out the door.

Oh how I wanted to chase her and wrap my arms around her and say I would do it! I would take her and her baby home with me! But instead I prayed to the God of the universe who is sovereign over all things that He would place her in a Christian home where she would hear the gospel of Christ and learn to love Christ more than anything. Being at Wesley both Brian and I have realized how much of a need there is for babies and children to be adopted...babies in the NICU who are waiting for foster parents...there is a tremendous need far greater than we can ever comprehend. And my heart aches for each of the babies who don't have a warm and cozy home to look forward to.

Feeding

We continue to work with Levi feeding from a bottle instead of his feeding tube. Generally, if he is awake at mealtime we start with a bottle until he gets tuckered out and then finish through his feeding tube. When we began this endeavor Levi would take about 5cc of milk and most of it would end up on his burp rag. When all of this began, I had no idea how difficult learning how to suck, swallow, and breathe at the same time would be. Full term babies are born with this skill...which is developed sometime around 34-35 weeks gestation. Levi is basically learning how to walk and chew gum at the same time...a skill many in my family have yet to learn :)

We've been at it a couple of days now...and today Levi had three successive feeds bottling 20-25 cc of his 40cc bottle...with only a little dribbling out. He's getting better. We continue to wait for him to decide his own timing...which seems to be the story of his life.

Regardless of how tough these last couple of weeks have been...we have so much for which to be thankful. But that's a post for next week, huh?

Two Weeks Old Today!

Can you believe our little guy is two weeks old today? It strange to think that when Culley was two weeks old I felt like I was just getting out and about by myself...and feeling comfortable with a newborn. I'm not quite there yet with Levi. :)

Our last couple of days have been pretty much full of the same struggles. We attempt to bottle feed Levi every other feeding, but it seems he takes a couple of ml of milk and then he either falls asleep exhausted or just lets it sit in his mouth. I guess I had high hopes and expectations for the little guy, but I know it will take time and much practice.


Culley was able to hold Levi's hand this week. She absolutely loves him and when we left the hospital she was singing his name to entire way back to the apartment!
When she sat on her daddy's lap with Levi she kept patting her legs, letting Brian know that it was her turn to hold him. :)
She just can't wait to get her hands on him!!!

Grandma Fish has been here for the last week. We are so grateful for her taking time off of work to come help us with Culley and to spend time with her itty bitty grandson. She's done quite a bit of taking care of Brian and I, too. Thanks Grandma Fish!

Levi

We met with Levi's doctor this morning and basically were told that at this point going home is totally up to Levi. They have officially stopped pricking his heel every 6 hours to test his blood sugar because he's been doing so well. Now it is up to Levi to learn how to drink from a bottle. This seems to be more difficult than I had hoped, but we are by no means discouraged! With a full-term baby this is a given...with preemies they are still developing and Levi hasn't quite figured it out yet.

He has been moved out of ICU and placed in what is called a satellite room for the Special Care Nursery. He is rooming with two other babies until a room in the Special Care Unit opens for him. This room is much quieter than the NICU and there is less going on so our days together are quiet and a little more intimate.

I was struck today with the amazing reality that even though Levi was born at 32 weeks and he is our miracle baby, that our journey has been much smoother and easier than many of the babies in the NICU. At 32 weeks, Levi was gigantic compared to many of the preemies in the NICU and he has graduated out before other babies that were there before him. I believe God has visibly had His hand upon our baby boy and this pregnancy and He has revealed Himself over and over again through this journey.

Sunday--11 Days Old

Yesterday was a bit concerning for us as Levi's blood sugar just wasn't quite as high as the doctors wanted to see it. They continued to increase his food intake until he was literally maxed out! However, we were completely encouraged this morning when we met with one of the doctors. Levi's blood sugar seemed to rebound overnight and he seemed to be doing much better. Because of this, they wrote the orders for him to be transferred out of ICU and into Special Care where he will have his own room! They were so encouraged with his blood sugar levels this morning that they have ordered for him to take his feedings over the course of 30 minutes instead of over the course of two hours. We are praying today that he is able to maintain his blood sugars with this new schedule. Once this is mastered we can attempt bottle feedings again :)


On another note: even through the last 13 days or so I have seen so many changes in Culley. It's amazing how much she seems to understand...and even more incredible to see the quizzical look in her eyes when she just doesn't quite understand what's going on. She has been able to watch as mommy or daddy changes Levi's diaper and take his temperature. I'm not sure if this is why when I walked into the room the other day I saw her lying on the floor with a clean, open diaper in one hand and a wipe in her other. I cracked up laughing when I saw her begin to wipe her bottom (pants and everything still on) and pretend to change her own diaper. She is growing up faster then I ever thought possible! I guess I need to explain to her that the next step isn't that she changes her own diapers...although that would help me out...but that she needs to be potty trained! :)

Blessings--and Happy Lord's Day!

Results of Yesterday's Test

Levi did GREAT yesterday! He was able to keep his sugar levels stable and it seemed at 10 p.m. it was on the rise. He even got his iv taken out and now he looks more and more like my little boy. Unfortunately, when I arrived this morning his levels had dropped again. This time they were under 50, which is somewhat of a concern (42 is as low as he can go). So...the doctor decided to up the amount of his feedings and we will test again at 5 p.m. today. Please continue to pray for his blood sugar to begin to regulate.

We were told last night that there are three benchmarks that Levi needs to meet before we can talk about coming home:
1. Maintain his own body temperature
2. Take every feeding by mouth
3. Consistently gain weight
Levi has met number 1. He has maintained his own body temp for a couple of days right now. However, we can't work towards numbers two and three until we can control the blood sugars. This seems to be a hurdle that Levi needs to jump today or they will consider putting the iv back in and having to run more tests to see what the problem is.

Again we just want to thank you for all of your prayers. We have yet to have a day where those we love and cherish haven't paid a visit to Levi. We feel so incredibly loved during this time in our lives and I can't seem to put into words how grateful we are for the help and gifts. A couple of days ago the hospital chaplain came to visit while I was with Levi. She asked if I had a church family. I told her that I went to Grace Bible Church in Hutchinson and that my husband and I have had all of our needs spiritually and physically met. I explained to her that we have felt incredibly blessed by our church family and supported in a way that has really made us feel peaceful about our circumstances. She smiled and looked at me and said, "well, it's nice when the ideal works, but so often other things just get in the way." We are indeed blessed.

Today is a BIG Day

Levi continues to gain weight. He weighed 1660 grams last night (which I think is somewhere around 3 lbs, 10 oz). We were finally able to dress him the other day...I know this seems like such a given, but it is actually a milestone that was quite exciting for his mommy! He has also been maintaining his temperature with some help and his blood sugar has hung around the levels they want to see. In our morning meeting with Dr. Hsiao the word he kept using for Levi's progress was, "stellar." So...today is Levi's first BIG day of progress measurement. At 1:00p.m. they will take him off of his iv's that have been helping to regulate his blood sugar. He has been on them since birth and today his doctor wants to take him off to see if he can maintain on his own. The nurses will continue to feed him over the course of two hours, but that last hour before his next feeding will be our tell-all. At 4:00p.m. they will test him again to see if he was able to maintain his sugar levels on his own. Please pray for him as this is a huge test for him. If he can't, they will have to put him back on iv's and try to determine why he can't regulate on his own. If he can, we are one step closer to getting this little miracle home.

This morning was a difficult morning at the apartment...Culley had some trouble letting mommy and daddy go. We just had to pray as we left her crying in Grandma Fish's lap that we were doing the best we could...and God would fill in the gaps as we attempt to care for our growing family in two different places. She has been much more clingy today than normal with her mommy...so we've had to take some extra cuddle time in the mornings and evenings (which is completely fine with me!). It is comforting to know that God gives us so much grace in parenting and our faith is being tested as we have to not only continually turn Levi over to our heavenly Father's loving care, but also Culley. We daily thank our Father for caring parents of our own who are able to help us and love on their granddaughter when we can't be there...and we are daily thankful for our friends and family who continually are lifting us up in prayer. God is good...and I can attest to the fact that He is still good in difficult times and what seems like unbearable circumstances.

Thank you, dear friends for your prayers! We will keep you posted!

Moments just for Me

On Wednesday, October 15, 2008 I posted a blog with the same title as today. You may want to reread "Moments Just for Me" if you don't remember what I'm talking about...but as a short review just over two years ago I was pregnant with Culley and I remember the moment in that post so vividly in my mind. I'm ashamed to say that it's been two years since I've shared one of those special moments with my readers because I think it shows how incredibly focused I've been on things other than God and His goodness. This is not the case in recent days...and, as I've written before, my monthly resolution is to look for more of my special moments from God and share them with you throughout this journey...and prayerfully beyond.

This incredible moment might not mean much to others...but oh if you could have seen the overflow of my heart and the praise in my tears you would rejoice with me. For the first time in eight days I had the honor and priviledge to feel like Culley's mommy again. Brian and Culley arrived last night around 7 p.m. and after we grabbed a bite to eat we went back to the house to settle in for the night. I told Brian that he needed to go be with Levi for his 10 o'clock feeding and hold him for a while. I could put Culley to bed and get her settled. This whole time I am fretting in my mind as I didn't know how she would do in a strange room with me in the bed next to her.

God knew and He knew the needs of both Culley and myself. When it was time, and we were both ready for bed, I told Culley to grab her "nini" and that it was time to snuggle. I turned off the light, she crawled into bed with me, put her arms around me and hugged me, and was asleep in less than five minutes. She was so incredibly peaceful. She's fallen asleep in my arms plenty of times in the last 18 months, but this...this was my moment from God. As I rubbed her back and cuddled her in closer, I just prayed for her little life and soaked in so much joy that I'd missed in the last eight days. I began weeping as I thought about Brian over in NICU holding our little boy and rocking him to sleep at the same time.

Sometimes God's blessings are just overwhelming. I hope you glimpse some of God's moments for you. Slow down...soak it in...and let God wash His presence and blessing into your lives.

Levi-Day 7

I've struggled with where to start...do I go all the way back to day 1 and start from there? My fear is that if I do that, I'll never remember the details from today. So...hopefully Levi's first 6 days will be explained as we go along from here on out.

We've had two extremely good days in a row. Yesterday was Levi's first day to be weighed. Because he weighed less then 1500 grams at birth, they wait 5 days to weigh them. So last night before his 7 o'clock feeding I helped the nurse weigh my son for the first time. We weighed him 5 times because she just couldn't believe the amount of weight that he had gained! According to her calculating, Levi has gained 3 oz in 5 days! He is now 1590 grams and hopefully growing bigger and stronger each day. He also grew 3cm. Can you tell a difference between Day 1

and Day 6?


We are excited to weigh and measure him again tonight at 7 to see if he actually did gain that much weight and grow that tall...so stay tuned for that one.

The last three or four days Levi has struggled to keep his blood sugars up. He was getting a feeding every three hours (sometimes trying a bottle and other times through a feeding tube). This feeding lasted 30 minutes...but they think because he doesn't have enough fat on him he isn't able to retain the sugar levels for the next 2 1/2 hours until his next feeding. So...they have begun to feed him over the course of two hours through a feeding tube to see if his sugars will regulate. He started three days ago with 9 cc of milk...today he is getting 19.5 cc of milk and he seems so much happier.

Each day I try to arrive at the NICU around 9:30 or 10:00 a.m. Levi eats at 10 so I am able to take his temperature and change his diaper. When the nurse finishes her duties, she wraps him up and I get to hold him. The last couple of days I've just sat in the rocker telling him all sorts of things...and usually when I see his eyes start to droop I'll sing him to sleep. Today he stayed awake for 35 minutes just staring at me with those dark, beady eyes. We talked about the meaning of his name, the story of Jacob, football, Culley, Brian, grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, and cousins. We've even had to have a few discussions regarding his behavior at night. He seems to have a reputation for a trouble-maker during the night hours! :) Feisty, they say.

Finally...I want to share one of the sweetest moments of the last 7 days. Levi was five days old when Culley finally got to meet him. She fell in love with him instantly!
In fact, last night when Brian asked her if she was ready to go see mommy, she shook her head yes, headed to the door and said, "Lebi" (aka. Levi). Even last night she would continually say Lebi and I'd have to show her a picture of him and she would just stare and smile. When she finally met him, she sat and took it all in...but for some reason I think once Levi gets a little older there may be trouble brewing when these two get together!

Levi Edward

How do I begin posting the last week of my life? Many of you have been praying for our little boy. From 19 weeks of this pregnancy we've had a plethora of highs and lows. At 24 weeks we found that instead of a three vessel cord, our baby's cord only had two and we were sent to a specialist for his heart only to be told of possibilities that even now I don't want to think about. At 25 weeks we were sent back to the specialist to find that he may have Downs Syndrome or an even more severe chromosome abnomality. At week 27 we received the results of those tests and found that everything appeared normal and that possibly the only problem would be slow development. Through this entire pregnacy we have been blessed by the prayers of God's people. Brothers and sisters in Christ that we don't even know have been lifting up prayers on our behalf and we are so blessed to see the family of God "work" as He intended.

Last Tuesday began Levi's journey into this world a few weeks early. I have been completely stunned by God's provision, leading, and complete control over the life of our little boy. Even when they could not give definitive answers about why I was showing signs of labor God continued to give small clues that things were just not quite right. And when I was sure they would finally send me home because things had stablized, one more indication would present itself that things just weren't right...so instead of home, they sent me to Wichita. And even in Wichita after I had two ultrasounds and no danger seemed to be present, and I was sure things had stablized...God once again gave another indication that things just weren't right. So on Thursday morning, after I sent Brian home to get some work done, Levi's heart rate began to dip up and down again and the nurse told me my husband might want to be present when the doctor came within the hour. That was at 11:25 a.m. on Thursday morning. Brian walked in the door at 12:45 and we waited until about 2:00 p.m for the doctor to come. When she arrived, she explained we could either wait another 6 hours and find ourselves in an emergency situation or we could go ahead and just plan to take the baby. For obvious reasons there really wasn't a decision to be made and when Brian and I gave the "go ahead" she asked, with a smile, "good, how does 2:45 sound?" And just like that she left and the anethesiologist walked in and within 10 minutes I was in the operating room.

Levi Edward was born at 3:06 p.m. on November 4th at 32 weeks and three days--3lbs, 4 oz and 15 3/4 in long. Immediately he began crying and breathing on his own...and at 5 days old he still has not needed help breathing. I could relate story after story and detail after detail of the past 6 days that indicate God's perfect timing and His perfect hand guiding every decision and situation. We are so grateful for all the prayers that have been lifted on our behalf. God is incredibly good. And even though the journey for Levi to arrive at home could be long, tiresome, and difficult, we have been blessed beyond measure and our faith strengthened through this time.



That's the beginning. I will attempt to update you on Levi's journey home...but more importantly I hope and pray that you too will see God's hand, sovereignty, and goodness as your read Levi's story. Each time you read The Fish Pond, would you pause at the end and offer praise and honor to God and glorify Him for what He has done for us...and for you.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for Levi...and for allowing him to arrive into this world safely. Set Levi apart for your glory and use him and use his journey for your glory and praise. --Amen.