Broken Heart

My heart was broken. In the past couple of weeks, through this entire journey with Levi and our family my heart has never felt broken...hurt and somewhat disappointed at times, but never broken...until the other day.

After two weeks at Wesley we have established somewhat of a routine in which Brian and I take turns going back to the hospital in the evening to put Levi to bed while the other stays at the apartment to put Culley down. This particular night was my night. I remember being significantly more tired this night than other nights so my mother-in-law went with me. We were on our way down the elevator when a young girl walked in. I was so focused on how tired and drained I felt...feeling sorry for myself as I had to leave my baby boy yet once again...wondering when we would all be back in our nice, warm, cozy home. I heard this young girl say, "Levi, huh?" Realizing I still had my ID on with Levi's name pasted on the front, I glanced at her and said, "yep." She continued to tell me that she knew a Levi and thought it was an uncommon name. Small talk for which I just couldn't find the energy.

When the elevator hit the ground floor she began walking out with us and once again she started chatting away. When she said she was a former NICU mom I took a longer look at her. She was about 5 feet tall with dyed, black, short hair...capri's and a sweatshirt, which were both overly baggy on her. But the thing struck me most was the kindness in her face. She just seemed like a kind girl. I began to take more notice of her chatter and finally began to ask her questions. And this is when my heart began to break: Her daughter was born on June 13 at 1 lb. She was still in the hospital but medically ready to go home. When I asked the young girl what the hold up was she explained that she was a foster child, and her daughter would also be a foster child and they were simply waiting for a new placement. My heart shattered. I'm sure my eyes were growing round and large as she smiled and said, "well...best of luck with everything." And she walked out the door.

Oh how I wanted to chase her and wrap my arms around her and say I would do it! I would take her and her baby home with me! But instead I prayed to the God of the universe who is sovereign over all things that He would place her in a Christian home where she would hear the gospel of Christ and learn to love Christ more than anything. Being at Wesley both Brian and I have realized how much of a need there is for babies and children to be adopted...babies in the NICU who are waiting for foster parents...there is a tremendous need far greater than we can ever comprehend. And my heart aches for each of the babies who don't have a warm and cozy home to look forward to.