One of Those Days

Even if you don't have children, I think many of you will be able to relate to this post. Yesterday was just one of those days. I knew...as soon as I woke up...I knew deep in my spirit that it was going to be a battle for joy, patience, and right thinking. Why? Nothing happened that I can think of...and definitely nothing that stood out in my memory, but I've had enough of these days to identify them...and I knew that if I was going to get through this day parenting without regret, I'd better get on my knees! I sent the kids to the basement to watch a little PBS...got on my knees and prayed. Now, I'd like to say I felt instant ease and peace and joy, that I made it through the day without mistakes in being a mother and wife, but that's not the reality. But at the end of the day, I realized that I made it leaning on the Holy Spirit more than before. Yesterday was such a good reminder to me that God doesn't always change our circumstances or our moods...but He gives us the strength to battle through and respond the right way when faced with different feelings and situations on "one of those days." I'm so grateful to God for providing the strength yesterday. And really...when I look at my children I couldn't be more grateful for the job He has called me to! Wow...I'm grateful for another day today...because His mercies are new every morning. But I don't want to discount His mercies to me yesterday as He helped me battle my emotions and my flesh and I pray that yesterday, although not perfect, was a step closer to becoming like Christ. Blessings as you battle as well... Jodi

Update

I finally feel like I'm back on my feet. Today, anyway. Ask me tomorrow and I might have just fallen flat on my face. But for now, we'll pretend like I'm up and running. I figured it was time for an update on the Fish family...or else I might just need to shut this blog down. It seems that this third baby-thing has been a challenge. Not so much in maintaining my home (I always struggle with that) but in doing anything other than maintaining my duties as a wife, mother, and homemaker. Culley will be four in May and I just can't get over how much she has grown. I feel as though she has finally made some friends her own age and she is quite the social butterfly. She informed her daddy this morning that she will be a cheerleader, basketball player, gymnast, AND a ballerina when she gets bigger. How we will afford all those lessons and classes I'm not quite sure...but we won't spoil those dreams just yet. She LOVES to do all things school related and through the year we've been doing some preschool at home. I had high aspirations of teaching her the alphabet and all things language related...on week two of a 26-week program I purchased and bought her The Letter Factory video...and after two afternoons she knew her letters and the sounds that go with each. Who needs a 26-week program? Levi is pretty much in heaven if he has a ball in his hand. Each day he gets dressed if he doesn't have a ball on his shirt, I really have to "play it up" how cool the dinosaur/truck/etc is instead of the ball. He is pretty much his Grandpa Lambert...even his mannerisms remind me of my dad. He adores his older sister, copying her every move...and finally after seven months he has given acknowledgement to his younger brother. Isaac...well...his name says it all. Isaac means "laughter" and for some reason, this smiling boy fits his name perfectly. Within a month he rolled over and started crawling all over our house. I thought that maybe I would get one child who was an introvert and laid back...nope...not a one. I will give more details as the days/weeks go by, but we have a tremendous opportunity in the Fish family. In May, Brian and I (along with some other coaches and their wives) will be taking six or seven ONU football players to Guatemala to help build an orphanage. We covet your prayers and I will be keeping my friends and family updated here on my blog as the trip takes shape. Please pray right now for the players that are going and that the money for each of them would come in... Pictures and details on that will follow...along with so many more ramblings of life lessons and random thoughts (I couldn't leave those random thoughts out...now could I?) Blessings!

YIKES!

Yikes! It's been so long since I've been to this page I haven't seen all the new stuff going on...oh boy...it may take me a while to get the hang of the new and updated blogger! I'm not going to go on and on about how I've been MIA, how long it's been and why. Many of you already know and hopefully understand. I have, however, had plenty of blog posts written in my head and even in my journal, but I just haven't made it to my desk to get them typed up. So...we start new, fresh, and hopefully with a commitment to keep going. We are smack in the middle of football season here at the Fish home. After four home games, we are on the road four weeks in a row and all four games are overnight trips. Many people ask if I make the trip with my kids and I always say that I expect to...barring sickness or any unseen obstacle. Honestly, it's just as easy to go than to be at home without Brian. At least this way he can see the kids on Friday night and not go from Friday morning until Sunday with the family being together. It's not easy...I won't lie. I got home on Saturday night and I still have suitcases and bags around the house because honestly I'm not going to put away on Monday what I will have to pack on Thursday. So...for the next four weeks I will be living in transition and chaos. For those who know me, you know this is a growing experience for me. Things aren't in their place...currently there is a pile of clothes on the kitchen counter that goes into the kids' suitcase (which is currently in the bathroom), two clothes hampers in the kitchen with a load in the dryer that needs to be added...all of which need to be put away. My suitcase is on the floor in my room, a bag of diapers and winter coats in the laundry room with the pack and play, sleeping bag, and blankets. The diaper bag with my football bag are in the living room...all of these different bags will be moved to the van on Thursday evening as we head to Michigan for Saturday's game. And this is how the next three of my weeks and weekends will be spent. The thing is...I know this is nothing unusual for most people. Everyone is busy these days...everyone is stressed these days...and everyone seems to be on a faster track than anyone else. I don't write these things in order to complain or to try to seem busier than anyone else. I'm writing because God has done an amazing thing in my life. Truly. Normally this kind of chaos and activity would drive me nuts...and there are times I think I am going nuts (like when I put Levi's glasses on Culley), but God calms my spirit and I think, really...in the whole scheme of life and eternity, how important is a messy house for a few weeks, or how important is this thing that is stressing me out? It is infinitely more important to be a family and support my husband during this time of year. Having three kids has also been a life-changer for me. You know the cloud of chaos that seems to encircle some people. Yes...I am that mother. It seems wherever I go there is chaos and at times I get home and don't remember a thing except that Culley and Levi were hard to keep corralled that day...but amazingly enough I still have a calm inside that stays calm even when all else is not. God is good. I have much more to write on this matter...but that's it for today. Maybe I can actually get another post in before we leave on Friday morning. Until then...blessings to my readers and may you strive to know our amazing God who is the creator of all things...He is the only God and the only thing that calms in the middle of the storm.

Update

Someday I will get the hang of this "regular" blog thing. It seems that every time I make the promise or commitment to keep at it, there is something in the life of our family that take priority over the computer. This time...we were smacked with so much illness for weeks at a time and I was so tired and stressed I had convinced myself this little baby boy was coming early...again! Unfounded fears, I assure you.

Levi was diagnosed with RSV in late March. For two weeks we were isolated at home (I shared some of this earlier). This was a concern for me because Levi was scheduled for his final urology surgery on April 18 and I knew they would never put him under anesthesia with respiratory infections. So when he was cleared exactly two weeks before surgery I was relieved! Mostly for selfish reasons...the later we waited, the more pregnant I got and the less of a chance for a trip to Kansas. BUT...we were cleared. The week before his surgery, Culley came down with a high fever...with no other apparent symptoms...so I wasn't too concerned. Saturday rolled along and Levi came down with the same fever...the difference was that he would not eat and was drooling like crazy. So...in my "expert" diagnosis I thought he was teething. Monday we went in for his pre-surgery physical and when I described to the doctor what was all going on, she looked at me with a frown. Temp...fine. Ears...clear. Throat...inflamed with sores at the back. She called it some funny name, which I looked up at home and found he had a similar virus as hand, foot, and mouth disease. WHAT???? Surgery was cancelled and because it was a virus, we just had to wait it out. Two days later, he got the stomach flu. I figured that for five weeks we were dealing with some kind of weird yuckiness.

One ray of sunshine through all of this was that my mom came for a week. WHAT A BLESSING! Once she left I felt refreshed and ready to tackle all of my tasks at hand. Levi's surgery was rescheduled for May 2. He did great...and although I cry when they take him away...and I cry when I see him in the recovery room coming out of anesthesia...he is the toughest and most courageous little guy I've ever seen.

In all of this, Brian had his 37th birthday and Culley celebrated turning 3. We made it through four weeks of spring ball and the spring football scrimmage ending with a pig roast in celebration. From the end of March to the first week in May we were able to fit in five weeks of illness along with many fun celebrations too. I am so incredibly grateful for God's provision and stretching of my strength and patience during this time. At 29 weeks, however, I am looking forward to a slow, hot, and refreshing summer before Isaac arrives to bless this chaotic home with more laughter and joy! :)

Parenting

It's interesting...this parenting thing. It seems that whenever we have a particularly difficult day or even week, I fall exasperated at the feet of my Lord only to find that often the problem is not only with my children...but me as well.

We are on the back end of being home bound for two weeks. Levi contacted RSV a little over two weeks ago and because it is extremely contagious we were home for at least a week. When we returned last week to the pediatrician he had developed a double ear infection as well so we were home for another week because his symptoms of RSV were still evident...and let's face it...I wouldn't want someone else traipsing about in public with a kid who had RSV. Regardless, you can imagine after two weeks of barely seeing the faces of outsiders all three of us were at our wits end.

As we emerged out of hiding and into society once again, I was ecstatic. I mean...adult faces! Complete sentences! Who wouldn't be thrilled? Except...as light dawned on my solitary life so did a few other things. One word...tantrums. Two more words...in public. I know this is normal...the flesh and sin of my children acting out...but mix that with being 24 weeks pregnant, bigger than either of my other pregnancies, more emotional than either of my other pregnancies, and well...I will leave the rest to your imagination which will not be far from truth.

You ask what this has to do with me? Not only have the tantrums (in both of my children at the same time) emerged, but blatant disobedience and disregard for authority has been a constant battle in our home the past two days...and you ask why this is a problem with me? Well, as I was praying for a good day today, I was struck by the realization that my heart was numb. I had no fervent plea or heart-felt passion for living in a Christ-like manner for myself. I have been so caught up in the tasks and the circumstances of my days that, for weeks and probably months, I have been mindlessly starting my day in reading and in prayer...but see the key word? Mindlessly...heartlessly. If Christ is not my all in all...my passion...my Lord of Lords in the minutes of my day how can I expect my children to see His beauty? How can I expect to train them and guide them and instruct them when I myself am aimlessly going about my day? What a revelation...that I've had more than once in my life...but what a HUGE revelation!

Has today been better? I wish I could say that it's magic like that...that repentance would bring ease and perfect children...however, it hasn't necessarily been better with the tantrums and disobedience, but my heart is different. I am determined to be obedient to my Lord in parenting and that means discipline and consistency and love and instruction and training...without getting weary of it. I have a new resolve today...and I'll need this revelation again, I am sure...but today it is fresh and beautiful and exciting to wait in expectation for what God will do.

Each day is a battle for my kids' souls. Satan wants nothing more than to claim them...and I resolve to try not to get bogged down in the unimportant chaos of circumstances. If parenting is a battle for my kids' souls, then even my own spiritual health is, in many ways, a battle for the souls of my children.

Stay strong, fellow mommas!

Up and Running

No...not that kind of running. Although I do wish I was running for miles and miles these 60-70 degree days! I keep telling Brian that our blizzard is coming right when he starts spring ball. I figure I need to keep him prepared for the worst at this point...probably not my job, but it helps me not get my heart set on spring in March in Illinois.

Anyway...the up and running I'm talking about is our internet. After almost six months of hours and hours on the phone fixing a certain company's issues...and finally getting the right house, on the right street, in the right town, with the right zip code, and finally having a technician come to set us up, and getting our bill lowered (they charged us for the six months of no service and then sent the bill to collections...which, they agreed we wouldn't have to pay until we had service...which didn't make for a nice phone call to this certain company), and realizing that big company's do not always do what they say they will do, we finally have an internet connection that allows me to be on the internet anytime I want for as long as I want AND allows Brian to do work from home when he needs to...which was our motivation in getting the problems resolved. So...WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO! I've joined the land of the connected. :)

What's the scoop in the Fish house? Well, many of you already know that we are expecting number three in July. It's rather interesting in this day and age to see people's reactions to a woman with a two year old, a one year old, and a belly looking suspiciously like she's pregnant...again. When I'm in the store and people stop to chat with my kids there are times they look at me and say, "you've got your hands full". Yeah...at that point I suck in my belly as far as I can and say, "yep, but they sure are fun." That little trick is about to end since Culley is now announcing to everyone she talks to that her mommy has a baby in her tummy. The other day she announced this in Joann's. The woman she told couldn't quite get the concept and kept referring to Levi being the baby that WAS in my tummy. I finally had to step in and explain that indeed, there really is a current baby in my tummy as well. It is comical at times...depending on my emotional state on that given day. :)

Our house just finished spring break last week. It was absolutely awesome to have Brian at home for a few more hours during the day. My niece, Hannah, was here and we had such an awesome time with her...it's so good to see my kids being loved on by such a beautiful influence and by one who truly loves them. For days after she left, both Culley and Levi asked where she was...and Levi would look for her in the house. I think they finally understand she had to go back to her home. I've been busy with some sewing projects. We are trying to get our basement into working, entertaining order. But that's for another post. I'll get you some before and after pictures so you can see what we've been up to.

That's about all we've been doing...Brian had surgery on his shoulder, Levi got glasses and is finally taking more and more steps, and Culley just goes with the flow of our busy life. It is a joy to see my children's personalities begin to emerge more and more...and it is a challenge to channel those personalities towards selflessness and prayerfully someday Christ-likeness.

That's the update...hopefully more musings and ramblings to come...until then, I hope you live today in the light of the gospel and what Christ has done for you.

Blessings to you.

2012 Goal

It really has been three months since I've blogged. I would like to say that the time that has passed has not been completely my fault. We traveled to Kansas for Thanksgiving, we had sick kids over and over, we had to replace our sewer line (a story that someday maybe I will share of God's protection) right before Christmas, we traveled to South Bend and Kansas for Christmas, Brian and I spent four days in San Antonio in January, we've had doctor's appointments, and various CRAZY days...all in three months.

Oh...and did I mention we've been trying to get iternet in our home since the end of September...2011? Yes. That's right...September of LAST year. How do I get online, you ask? Well, my worthless phone has a hot spot that works most of the time, but not all of the time and the connection can sometimes be slow. So, in frustration, often I just refuse to try. Again, that might be a story for another day, but suffice it to say that I lived in a developing country for two years and had almost zero trouble with my internet...and here I am living in America, near a major city, and the internet company can't quite get it figured out. Again...I'll vent another day. :)

I will keep this post short, as I still need to get some pictures uploaded so all can see my kids and how much they've grown. I thought it necessary to finally post in 2012 since one of my goals for the year is to blog more. The problem when one like me waits a month and a half is that there are numerous thoughts and ideas that I need to sift through. Maybe this is my attempt to make contact with the outside world, and maybe this is an attempt to keep accountable this year. Regardless, I hope to be back in the blogger world for good this time. I guess only time will tell. :)

Wise or Foolish?

I think today I will try something a bit different. I have so many blog post ideas in my head that I just can't execute them all at this point. But, I was struck yesterday in my quiet time by a verse in Proverbs and as I was meditating and thinking through it, the idea hit me to use my blog today in a little bit different manner.

The scripture in Proverbs came from chapter 14, verse 1: "The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down."

This verse seems rather general to me...it seems wide open. So I'm going to ask for input from my readers. What can a wise woman do...what types of things must we do to build our house. And what can a foolish woman do...what types of things can we do with our own hands to tear it down?

I don't know about you, but I long desperately to be a wise woman...a wise wife...a wise mother. I've been called many things in my life, but the one thing I do not want to ever be called is foolish. So, help me...help each other and let's come up with some wise things to help build our houses stronger...and some foolish things that we can be aware of to avoid so that our houses are not torn down.

I can't wait to hear from you! Blessings today!