Parenting

It's interesting...this parenting thing. It seems that whenever we have a particularly difficult day or even week, I fall exasperated at the feet of my Lord only to find that often the problem is not only with my children...but me as well.

We are on the back end of being home bound for two weeks. Levi contacted RSV a little over two weeks ago and because it is extremely contagious we were home for at least a week. When we returned last week to the pediatrician he had developed a double ear infection as well so we were home for another week because his symptoms of RSV were still evident...and let's face it...I wouldn't want someone else traipsing about in public with a kid who had RSV. Regardless, you can imagine after two weeks of barely seeing the faces of outsiders all three of us were at our wits end.

As we emerged out of hiding and into society once again, I was ecstatic. I mean...adult faces! Complete sentences! Who wouldn't be thrilled? Except...as light dawned on my solitary life so did a few other things. One word...tantrums. Two more words...in public. I know this is normal...the flesh and sin of my children acting out...but mix that with being 24 weeks pregnant, bigger than either of my other pregnancies, more emotional than either of my other pregnancies, and well...I will leave the rest to your imagination which will not be far from truth.

You ask what this has to do with me? Not only have the tantrums (in both of my children at the same time) emerged, but blatant disobedience and disregard for authority has been a constant battle in our home the past two days...and you ask why this is a problem with me? Well, as I was praying for a good day today, I was struck by the realization that my heart was numb. I had no fervent plea or heart-felt passion for living in a Christ-like manner for myself. I have been so caught up in the tasks and the circumstances of my days that, for weeks and probably months, I have been mindlessly starting my day in reading and in prayer...but see the key word? Mindlessly...heartlessly. If Christ is not my all in all...my passion...my Lord of Lords in the minutes of my day how can I expect my children to see His beauty? How can I expect to train them and guide them and instruct them when I myself am aimlessly going about my day? What a revelation...that I've had more than once in my life...but what a HUGE revelation!

Has today been better? I wish I could say that it's magic like that...that repentance would bring ease and perfect children...however, it hasn't necessarily been better with the tantrums and disobedience, but my heart is different. I am determined to be obedient to my Lord in parenting and that means discipline and consistency and love and instruction and training...without getting weary of it. I have a new resolve today...and I'll need this revelation again, I am sure...but today it is fresh and beautiful and exciting to wait in expectation for what God will do.

Each day is a battle for my kids' souls. Satan wants nothing more than to claim them...and I resolve to try not to get bogged down in the unimportant chaos of circumstances. If parenting is a battle for my kids' souls, then even my own spiritual health is, in many ways, a battle for the souls of my children.

Stay strong, fellow mommas!