April 4, 2011

Five months ago, today...yep...Levi is five months old. I can't believe how much he's grown. One week ago, he weighed 10 lb 5 oz. At four months Culley was 12 lbs, so I don't think he's too far behind. He's growing like a weed.
Wow...I can't believe how much has happened in the last five months. I look back on it all and wonder how in the world I made it through without a breakdown. If anyone would have told me what we were about to experience I would have sat down like a baby and cried. I think it's a blessing that we aren't told the future and we don't know what our lives will look like. Honestly, I wouldn't have chosen this path to a mother of two. But even more honestly I can say that I wouldn't trade it for the world. Looking back I can see where God has grown me up in so many ways. I remember saying when I got married I realized so much pride in my heart. I also remember saying that when I had Culley I realized so much selfishness in my heart. And I will look back on this and remember saying that I realized so much weakness in my heart...but I remember even more vividly the beautiful sufficiency of Christ and His provision for our family. In the three plus weeks we were in the hospital, we experienced the love of the family of God. We were blessed beyond measure with gifts and visits and love. We experienced the perfect timing of our Provider when we had no idea what we were going to do. And even now...when medical bills still come our way, He provides. We have been able to pay every penny on time. I know that we will continue to experience the love of His Church and the perfect timing of His provision.
When Kyle Schenk returned from China and meeting persecuted Christians there, (yes...I am about to quote Kyle...unbelievable, right?) I remember he said in Bible study that he couldn't help but wonder if our (Americans) lack of suffering was somehow a curse rather than a blessing. Now, please...do not for one moment think that I am inferring that Levi's premature birth and the suffering Christians and persecuted church are similar sufferings. What I am saying is that I think...no...I know that trials and sufferings bring us into closer communion with Christ. It is through these trials that His beauty and provision are so clearly seen. When I get comfortable...when I get "set in my way"...my eyes tend to shift to myself and to my power and to my own work. But, when I am tested and tried my eyes become fixed upon the One that I know can give me the strength to get through because His path is straight and good and right. I know that God only gives us what we can handle, and I know that what He gives us is meant to make us more like His Son. I pray that on this April 4th I am more Christ-like than I was on November 4th and every day after.

Blessings,
Jodi

The Longest Morning on Record...

I'm exhausted. Completely wiped out. Ready for a nap and looking forward to an early bedtime type of tired. Let me explain.

After confessing my cowardice I found myself completely and totally offended by my own self-proclamation. How dare I call myself a coward? Who in their right mind would call ME a coward? And so...today began Culley's training. When she woke up, we didn't even discuss diapers but instead pulled out her cute little undies with "neows" on them. To my amazement she was completely thrilled! Oh the excitement! We put one pair on...and then she continued to try to put EVERY pair on top of each other. She finally tried on three different ones before settling on the paw prints but only if I would let her carry the others with her. I figured that would make it easier to locate them after an accident, so we traipsed downstairs for the morning.

At first, she sat on the floor taking one pair off, putting another pair on, and so on for quite some time. When that became old hat, we sat in the kitchen and played with the cookie cutters that she has recently discovered. We practiced our ABC's, we danced, we made our grocery list, and so on and so on. At one point she went potty...received her treats...gobbled them down, claimed she had to go potty again and squeezed every ounce out of her body...received her treats...gobbled them down, claimed AGAIN she had to go potty, but this time came up dry.

All in all, she only had three "accidents" this morning. I will say that at this rate, I'm going to have to start a better exercise routine as every time she gets some goodies I seem to feel like I deserve them too! I honestly can't blame my tiredness on potty training...as much as I'd like to...because we actually had a fun morning. I know this is only the beginning...but I think she's off to a great start.

The only problem is I feel like my little girl is growing up too fast! Brian said if we can keep her in diapers she won't ever get married and leave. I guess he has a point there. :)

Jodi the Coward

Yes...I am a coward. I have officially dubbed myself the coward of all mothers. I've suspected this about myself for some time now, but parenting has confirmed and solidified that suspicion. If I am sure I will be unsuccessful at something, I avoid it at all costs. If I'm not quite sure how to get something finished with the least amount of inconvenience to me, I don't attempt it. Some might call this selfishness, pride, or even fear. I call it being a coward.

What has brought this particular topic to my blog? Well, I believe in my last posting I mentioned something to the effect that Culley was ready to be potty trained. But I'm sure I didn't mention that this is one of those mommyhood tasks that I have dreaded since I've dreamed of being a mommy. Oh to skip potty training and middle school! But alas, it is not possible short of Jesus' second coming. So Friday after blogging I was determined that this week was the week. I called all experts, searched high and low for little underwear small enough for Culley's little bottom, and made all the necessary arrangements to purchase the vital bribe candy and I was set and ready to go.

Monday came...we had a scheduled play date so I knew this was not to the be fateful day. As Monday night approached and Tuesday morning came I thought...maybe there was a better way...and of course I came up with a better plan that would be less painful for me. Instead of putting her in her big girl underwear I kept her in her diaper until lunch time. When she was finished with lunch I placed 10 m&m's on her tray. She literally gobbled them up and I sat there thinking this was going to work. When she was finished I got her down and told her that if she went potty on the big girl potty I would give her more (with a huge, goofy smile on my face to indicate how exciting that would be). Here's how the day went...

Nap time:
"Culley, do you want to go potty so you can have some candy?"
"No."
"Well, you can try."
On the potty she sits and sits and then tells me her pee-pees went bye-bye.

Post nap time:
"Culley, do you cant to go potty so you can have some candy?"
"No."
"Well, you need to try."
Again, she sits and then tells me her pee-pees went bye-bye.

Multiple times through the afternoon I get that huge, goofy grin on my face and try to sound as excited as possible when I offer her some candy in exchange for pee-pees in the potty. All afternoon she tells me no.

Bedtime:
"Culley, let's go brush your teeth."
Pointing to her mouth she says, "di...di" (candy)
"You can't have candy unless you go pee-pee on the potty."
With a huge grin on her face she says, "OK!"
I put her on the potty and she goes pee-pee.

Now...I believe I need to rethink this. I'm not dealing with a normal 22 month old child who works for bribes...and I'm not willing to start until I'm sure it's going to work. BUT...unfortunately I think the little lady has me figured out. Coward? Yes...I believe I may just chicken out.

Bourbonnais Update

Well, I have found a moment to sit and write. Levi is napping and Culley is sitting beside me with her "nack." I have only the time it takes her to eat her pretzels...or for me to eat them because she keeps feeding them to me. One for her...one for me...one for her...one for me.

So here we are in our new home...our new city. I wish I could say that through the adjustments and the transition I have glided perfectly along with no meltdowns or times of my sin nature winning over my new nature. But alas, I sit before this computer a sinner saved by grace and this season of my life has shown me just how incredibly tied to this world and our culture my default desires are...but with His perfectly completed promises He has shown me how infinitely great His grace is for me and I rest in that...plugging forward and begging Him to renew my mind and desires to be Christ-like...rather than Jodi-like.

On a lighter note...a few updates:

Culley is growing ridiculously fast. I really wish I could freeze her at this age. Watching her grown has been hysterical at times, rewarding at times, and quite honestly quite difficult at times. She loves her baby brother. I've actually turned around to see her holding him...and now I didn't pick him up and put him in her arms. I don't know how it happened and I'm sure I don't want to know. She loves to play with her kitchen set she receved for Christmas...loves to play in my cupboards, loves to watch Elmo, and LOVES to be outside. She is learning "obey your mommy and daddy for this pleases the Lord" and mommy is learning "love is paitent and not self-seeking." She can often be found with a hat on...any hat at all...and always a pair of shoes. Most recently she was spotted with a hat of Levi's on her head and her rain boots (much too big for her) on her feet.
She has her own style and I pray she stays that way.
She loves to help others...right now it's more due to her desire to be with people and not be left out, but I'm praying some day it will be because she sees others' needs and loves others more than herself.
She is ready to be potty trained, but we are waiting until her life has a bit more stability. She already has met new friends and we go to a play group at the grade school once a week. All in all, even with the increase in discipline, the joy of being her mother has increased even more.





Levi...or otherwise known as Ledi in our family...is growing just as fast. Even though he is four months old, his adjusted development age is two months. After completing a short survey of his development in various areas we see that he is actually right on schedule with his adjusted age. He is almost 10 pounds and I am VERY pleased to say he is sleeping through the night. He adores his older sister and I wish you could see his eyes light up when she walks into his line of vision. However, we have had a few challenges. Due to being a preemie, he has two hernias that will need to be fixed surgically. He was to have surgery on Februrary 28, but when they took a CBC, we found that he is anemic...which is common in preemies as well. So, he takes iron twice a day and a multivitamin once a day. His levels are up and as soon as they reach a certin point we will go ahead with his surgery. In spite of all of that, he is full of smiles and LOVES to play in the jungle (see picture).




That's an update in a nutshell...probably a bigger nutshell that some of you would prefer. I pray and hope that each of you chooses to live life intentionally as you bless those around you with the aroma of Christ.

Chaos Anyone?

Well, it's been a while. It seems that since Levi has been home our lives have somehow slipped, quite quickly, into chaos...and the miracle is that I'm surviving. When I went into the hospital on November 2nd, ambulanced to Wichita November 3rd, and delivered Levi by C-section on November 4th I thought things couldn't get any more out of my control. After Levi had been in the hospital just over three weeks, we were sent home and with a little fear, I let out a big sigh of relief.

Less than a week later, Brian interviewed for a new job, he was offered the job, he accepted the job, we celebrated the holidays and then POOF...just like that he moved to Illinois. For three weeks the kids and I stayed behind to pack the house and finish up medical issues with Levi. Those who have moved know very well that the time just before the move is absolutely draining. During that time, Brian found, offered, and bought a house in Illinois...the only thing was, we couldn't be in it until the end of February.

So...here we are. It's the end of February and after four long weeks...with one more to go...we are about to move into our home. After four long weeks of my children sleeping in pack in plays and Brian and I in dorm beds, we will finally move into our home. Shortly after that, Levi will turn four months old. The poor boy doesn't even know what a home feels like!

In the four plus weeks we've been in Illinois, Levi has begun to babble and smile. I think I even heard a giggle! Culley has discovered Elmo, The Cat in the Hat, the toilet (yes...she's started peeing AND pooping on the potty), snow, Valentine's candy, words, words, words, and more words.

In the process of all of this, I have rediscovered mommyhood for God's glory. It's incredibly easy to forget my purpose in life, to become irritable and impatient. It's easy to be more focused on Culley's behavior because of how it makes me look, rather than her offensive sin against God. But the amazing miracle in all of this is that regardless of how much chaos is around me and how unsettled my life has been, and even how I have allowed sinful habits to form...God softly calls me back to Him where there is no chaos, my spirit is settled, and my sin is forgiven. That, friends and family, is truly when I feel most at home.

I've erased this post twice now...so I'm just going to quit for now. So much has happened and so much is on my mind that I can't get them organized into coherent ideas so they can be understood.

So...for now: we are doing great. Levi is almost 8 pounds and Cj is talking more and more and more and more and more.

More to come...soon, I hope.

7 Weeks Old Today!

Seven weeks ago Levi was born...almost four weeks ago we brought our miracle baby home from the hospital. I can't pretend it's been easy. Those of you who know me, know that I'm not generally one who enjoys being tied down and confined. As with any trial or difficult circumstance, adrenaline tends to run out eventually and we realize that we've been trying to get to the clearing on our own strength. Mine ran out about a week ago. As I look back, it wasn't even my strength that pushed me that far, but I was finally shoved to the ground and forced to my knees. Then gently, as with a child who needs to look their father in the eyes, my chin was lifted and softly I gazed into my loving Father's eyes for renewal and strength. I want to share part of my journal entry from that time...I pray it encourages you as I have reread it at various times in the last week for my own reminder and encouragement. That morning I "happened" to have parts of Psalm 139 speaking to me...so that's where I turned when I found myself at the bottom of a mountain that seemed too difficult to climb.

The last four to five months, and particularly the last two, have gone so fast...honestly, from one trial to another. Through each one I have fought and battled to love God with my mind and to think only on that which is true. I have fought and battled for God's strength physically and emotionally. With Levi in the hospital, God's strength is the only source that kept me going. He provided.

Now the chaos from the last two months is finally settling but the demands upon me are actually increasing. "Real" life is resuming...and I desperately want it to...but Levi isn't ready for that, which means I can't be either. It has been difficult to see Culley and Brian able to resume somewhat of a normal routine and life...and I often get left behind because I'm so tired and feeding Levi is incredibly tedious right now. We nurse, then I top him off with a bottle, then I pump to keep an ample supply. Getting ready to go somewhere takes great effort and then being out and about is often draining. At the end of my days...most days...it seems that all I accomplished was feeding Levi. Did I mention how tired I am?

And yet, not one of these details has slipped through my loving Father's notice and each day has sovereignly been ordained by Him. I have read Psalm 139 over and over again with each of my pregnancies...and rightly so. But sometimes I must read it, know it, and understand it to be true of my life too. Each day is purposed by God...even those lonely, exhausting nights and days. How will I respond? Still I will praise Him!

Now...let's throw a few more details into the mix. Brian's new job, a move to Illinois, setting Levi up with a pediatrician, and saying goodbye to my family and an AMAZING church family. Still I will praise Him! There is never a circumstance or trial that God allows in my life that He will not also enable me to withstand. I can be sure that when all of this is over and done with...and life has somewhat calmed down...my faith will be stronger and I pray that my character will be visibly more like Christ.

Still I will praise Him!

YIKES

So...I've been MIA for a few days. Some of you already know...and others are patiently waiting to be updated. Thursday I posted that we just weren't sure how close the light was at the end of the tunnel...well...it was quite a bit closer than we thought. In fact...Friday when I walked into Levi's room, the resident doctor was there and asked if we would rather head home Saturday or Sunday. GULP! To my surprise...Levi was eating like a champ and gaining weight so there was no need for him to remain in the hospital. So...at 3:00 p.m. they moved us to Family Care where we stay in a room with Levi for 24 hours to get used to fully caring for him. 3:00 p.m. on Saturday we were walking out of the hospital with our son and daughter headed home. I can't tell you the conflicting emotions that were swirling inside as we loaded our cars and drove off. But, regardless of all of that, Levi is doing great...Culley LOVES being home and she is VERY concerned that her brother be taken care of if he even grunts. :) We are all extremely excited to be in our own home and adjusting to our new family member.

I can't take much more time...I need to get going but as soon as I can, I'll be back with some more musings and ramblings!

Blessings today!