I asked for and Brian gave me a new study Bible for my birthday. It's interesting how the transition from my old Bible to my new one has produced in me a plethora of conflicting emotions. I don't mean conflicting emotions that teasingly mock each other, but emotions that are so fierce and strong I have to actually smile and shake my head. Here's what I mean.
There is a loyalty to my old Bible that is tied in countless knots. This loyalty is fighting to keep my old Bible and all of its memories off of the shelf. See...my loyalty stems from 10 years of amazing, winding, mountainous roads on my journey with the Lord. This Bible has been with me as I transitioned from an irresponsible college student to a full-fledged responsible teacher in charge of the literary education of over 125 students. The words in that Bible guided me through leading discipleship groups and being discipled. It counseled me through singleness and heartache. My Bible records dates and times of vitally important passages at major crossroads in my life: moving to Turkey, living in Turkey, praying for missionaries I know around the world, leaving one job without securing another, finding a new job, meeting Brian, dating Brian, discontentment in my job, reverse culture shock, planning a wedding, getting married, moving back to small town Kansas, going to China, nine months of pregnancy, giving birth, and eight months of motherhood. In those 10 years there are so many other experiences and lessons that God taught me. Some were excruciatingly hard. Others joyful and exciting. All the Bible studies and sermons that I listened to in those 10 years are somehow recorded in that book as well. The loyalty is so strong that I often feel guilty for trading it in.
On the other hand, there is an intense excitement to be able to start this new era of my life with a new version, a new Bible, and a new outlook on my life as a changed person. I'm attached to the old Bible because it holds so many memories and records God's faithfulness to me through that time in my life. But it's not that specific book that brought me life and strength during those 10 years. It's not that specific book with that specific binding that spoke life into my soul and taught me truth. No...God's word is alive. It doesn't live in a Bible that I'm attached to for all the memories. No...this new Bible will speak the same truth, will hold me with the same strong truths about God as my old one did because it's God's spoken, written words to me.
What will another 10 years bring? I am incredibly excited to see the memories and prayers and dates that I write in this new Bible. As I embark upon another era of my life...a very different one from the last 10 years...I will once again get to experience and see God's faithfulness through His word. So, every time I look longingly at my old, tattered, Bible (the book of Genesis often finds itself tucked out of order since it's totally fallen out) I remember 10 years of God's faithfulness to me...and look forward to many more years of growing in intimacy with Him.
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4 comments:
Thanks for responding to my comment. I don't think you were "unclear," you're absolutely right that we dont "deserve" anything. but I just wanted to challenge you to clarify (as you did) that we DO need breaks and refreshment from God in order to be the best we can as we serve our families. Some people act like dramatic martyrs about it and that's not quite the point ;)
Good luck moving to your new Bible, that's exciting!
I can completely relate about changing Bibles! Chuck just gave me a new Bible and I'm feeling the same way. I'm even changing versions (a big step for me! I guess when pages or sections are falling out or missing, it is a sign that we may have to resign ourselves to a new one. :) I too feel sad giving up that "friend" with the smudges, smears, scribbles and spills that made it even more sweet, but you're right - it's exciting to see what God has for us in this next phase of our Spiritual journey. Looking forward to what He has in store for us as we seek to know Him more.
Thank you for your beautiful words in this post and all previous posts. Thanks for sharing your heart to challenge and encourage us.
I love reading your posts! You are able to put into words what I have felt for years about my 'dusty mauve' Bible. It is such a testimony to God's faithfulness and work in my life to turn to a passage where I have notes and remember how God has proved Himself to me in the past. Just very hard to give it up! I have never thought about from the perspective of what He will prove to me during the life of a new Bible.
Love reading your blog, so refreshing and almost as good as a cup of coffee with you. :) Your picture, by the way, is absolutely adorable, captures your cute little family perfectly!
I would love to chat more with you soon, seems like too long since we talked.
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