Pressing On

Don't hyperventilate...I know...two posts in one week. Miracles do happen...and Jodi does get motivated every once in a while. I've been musing...so you get to muse with me. See, I struggle with this blog sometimes. It was originally meant to be a way my family and friends could keep up on my ever changing life and a way for me to write voice my thoughts without anyone ever having to really listen. Seriously, most of you probably skim to see if there are any pictures and then when you see the obscene ratio of words to pictures, you skip right on out of The Fish Pond...I admit that I would do that if I were you (HURRY! Now's the time!)

So, you see, there are many days that I just want to write...just put my thoughts on paper (or wherever they tend to disappear to) but it seems pointless because all too often my thoughts are a complete jumbled mess of nonsense. Ever opened a box of paper clips, pulled one out and the entire clump of metal comes out because they are all hooked together...and then try to get one unhooked from the rest of the clump and...well maybe I'm the only one...but that's what my thoughts feel like sometimes. So I just give up. Well...not today. Maybe tomorrow I will be right back to that silliness, but not today. I'm going to give it a try.

I've realized this is a common pattern in my life. If it's not easy it's not happening. Truly...I have had it all too easy my entire life. Most things have come naturally to me and if they haven't I've deemed them unnecessary. Tennis for example. I love tennis...I've always wanted to play tennis and be good at tennis...but I'm terrible and I'm not willing to put the work or effort into getting any better so I have crossed it off of my list of activities. No need to feel like a failure every time I play. Creativity...craftiness...art. This is another area that does not come naturally to me. I am not creative. It hurts my head to think about crafts and let's face it, the easier route is to not even attempt anything that resembles art. No need to feel inferior to those for whom it comes naturally.

This is my way. This is my pattern...but this is also an extremely clear picture of my personality. However, there is one specific task currently at hand that I do not have the luxury of "passing up." Parenting for one. Let me tell you...I fail everyday. It's hard work and often I find myself being lazy. I'm tired, drained, and exhausted...and I only have two! There are days...moments really...when I feel like God has asked the wrong person to do this job. The idea of parenting their hearts when my own heart is so ugly is a daunting task and I can think of many other women who would do a much better job. BUT, honestly, this is one job...one task that I have never thought about giving up. It's ok if I feel like a failure because I know God's grace is sufficient and what I lack He will make up. It's okay if I go to bed exhausted for the next 20 years because I know that in the end I want more than anything to look back and say that I gave my all...and more than anything I want to say that I was obedient to the task God placed before me. Women give up so much...at least they ought to...in order to be a mom. And even though some days feel like they will NEVER end, I know that God has promised blessing in obedience.